1. There is one purpose for sex and that is to create life. Becoming one with your mate and pleasure are not purposes for sex but effects:
A. There is only one purpose for sperm and that is to fertilize an egg. There is only one purpose for an egg and that is to be fertilized by a sperm.
B. This should make it clear what the purpose of sex is.
2. Oneness or closeness with your mate is so the family has the best chance possible to survive. Because when the family breaks down the society breaks down. Pleasure is an effect and motivator but not a purpose for sex:
A. If pleasure and/or closeness with your mate, in and of themselves, were purposes for sex, then it should be okay to have sex with anyone that this society deems appropriate to have a pleasurable experience with or to get closer to.
B. This would include parents, siblings, pets, the creation etc. This is clearly absurd.
3. The most common reason people give for having sex before marriage is that they are in love:
A. Most who claim to be in love cannot define the word. They therefore find themselves defending an action using a word they cannot define. They might as well say, “We are having sex because we are in oogbla”.
B. A reasonable Christian definition for love is to act to another’s highest good even if it means the sacrifice of oneself.
C. It is in our highest good to have sex within marriage. That is where it is best to create, and to care for the life that has been created, we have the time and the reason to become one, and where the pleasure of sex serves a positive purpose.
4. People often confuse infatuation with love:
A. Infatuation is when we meet someone and the skyrockets go off, we think we have met the first goddess or second god to ever walk the earth, and we think that spending the rest of our life with them would be paradise on earth.
B. This is very much a feeling based phenomenon tinged with sexual desire.
C. At this stage we don’t so much love the person as we do the feeling that is produced within us. Therefore it tends towards selfishness and self-centeredness.
D. Infatuation is usually necessary to initially draw us to someone, but it is not yet the self-sacrificial love that will be necessary for a good marriage.
E. It is certainly not a valid reason to begin engaging in sexual relations.
5. You can’t really love someone in the way we have defined it until the infatuation dies out:
A. It is easy to “love” someone when you are swept up with overwhelmingly good feelings, everything they do is wonderful and cute, and being with them is heaven.
B. It’s not so easy when what used to be wonderful and cute is now an irritation, and being with them isn’t necessarily heaven anymore.
6. There are guys who think that if they have sex before marriage they will gain experience so that when they do get married they will be better able to satisfy their spouse:
A. This is not only an insult to women, as it makes them the scrub team upon whom the first team is practicing, but it is also a misunderstanding of sexual relations.
B. Sex involves the entire person. One’s personality, past and present experiences, personal likes and dislikes, etc. are all involved.
C. So sex with someone else before marriage will not be the same as sex with one’s spouse during marriage. In fact, it may harm the relationship, as those memories will not go away just because one has gotten married.
D. One will always compare similar experiences.
7. Guys will often give love to obtain sex, and women will often give sex in order to obtain love:
A. Guys will oftentimes tell women that they love them, buy them flowers, chocolates, etc. all in order to have sex with them.
B. If you are going out with someone, or are potentially going to go out with them, tell them that there will be no sex (or no more sex) until marriage. If they stay with you, or decide to start going out with you, there’s a good chance that they love you, or are at least on that track. If they don’t, you know what they are there for.
8. Guys can oftentimes separate sex from relationship, but with women the two are more often than not intimately intertwined:
A. Even though the infatuation will make it seem like the relationship will last forever, the average sexual relationship in college will last a semester or two. Maybe some will last a year or two, but few last a lifetime. The odds are even less with high school relationships.
B. Women need to realize that they are not getting the relationship they desire, and guys need to realize that sex without long-term commitment (marriage) is shallow and meaningless.
